I seriously dont know whats wrong with me for the last week or so, i've been on a fucking emotional roller-coaster.

For some reason i feel so betrayed.

I was looking thru my msn space before, to see if i could fix it up, and add some recent photos, but i ended up looking thru the photos i had up on there, and i just burst into tears.

By the way, i've got myself another blog, too many ppl know this one, and i feel like i cant express my feelings beyond superficial things anymore. Tmail me if you want the address.

Seen this around on blogs...

FIVE THINGS

10 years ago: I would have been 10, and happy with my 'new life' including my stepdad of 2 weeks, and my 13 weeks old half brother. IN grade 5, and just enjoying life.

5 years ago: 15 years old, finally let told my parents my secret-which i would have kept for 4 months-that i was raped. Made a statement, and feeling like shit. Partying hard, not caring what people thought of me.

1 year ago: This time last year, i would have broke down, and admitted i needed help, and would have started seeing a counsellor around this time.

Yesterday: Stayed in, planned on going out to a 21st, but it was too cold. Ended up having Stevo, Lise, Jen & Dan over for drinks and dvds. 

Today: Went shopping for food. Parents aint home till tomorrow. Havent done much else.

Tomorrow: Cleaning the house before parents come home. Jen's coming over.

5 Snacks I Enjoy:
1. Corn chips with Salsa
2. chocolate
3. Cheese ball dip with crackers
4. Mozzerella cheese with sour cream (i know it sounds gross)
5. Cucumber cut into sticks..

5 Things I Would Do With $100,000,000:
1. Pay off debts for everyone
2. Buy everyone new cars
3. Set up trust funds for pssible future children or nieces/nephews
4. Buy round the world tickets
5. Buy a house

5 Locations I'd Like to Run Away To:
1. UK
2. Europe
3. USA
4. NZ
5. Some isolated beach in Nth Queensland

5 Bad Habits I Have:
1. Sleeping too much
2. Procrinistating
3. Saying 'yes' when should be 'no'
4. Overanalysing things
5. swearing too much

5 Things I like Doing:
1. laughing
2. sleeping
3. reading
4. dancing
5. drinking

5 Things I Would Never Wear:
1. G-strings backwards
2. Skorts
3. Flannette shirt
4. T-shirts tucked in jeans
5. granny-style pyjamas

5 T.V. Shows I Like:
1. Lost
2. All Saints
3. Desperate Housewives
4. McLeods Daughters
5. Las Vegas

5 Movies I Like:
1. Serendipity
2. The Notebook
3. Brokedown Palace
4. Sweet Home Alabama
5. Remember the Titans

5 Famous People I'd like to Meet:
1. Vin Diesel
2. Paul Walker
3. Reese Witherspoon
4. Matt Passmore
5. Bec Cartwright

5 Biggest Joys at the Moment:
1. Slowly but surely paying off debts
2. Being happy, not having as much bad days as before
3. Not worried about anything
4. Seeing friends being happy.
5. Having a job.

5 Favorite Toys:
1. Mobile phone
2. Camera
3. Computer
4. DVD player
5. Books

Thought this post would be dedicated to 2 of my closest friends Jen and Dave.
We've known each other since preschool, which was around 15-16 years ago. We lost touch for a few years, then we started hanging out again.
Ever since then, we've gotten into the habit of taking photos of us every year.

This is the first photo:

This one is the latest:

I dont know if they'll ever read this post, but, if they do:
I treasure our friendship, you both have helped make me the person I am today. I think our friendship are the strongest there is-we fight, yet we make up and become more closer. Because of this, i know we'll be friends forever, no matter where you are going to be. I love you.

I went out the other night, to a family friend's 50th.
He's recently a part of our lives again.
Lots of people were surprised to see me there, after them hearing/seeing me talk about hating him, and never forgiving him for what he did.
You see, i used to blame him for wrecking my parents marriage. For the past year i've realised it wasnt all his fault, and every story has 2 versions.
I've forgiven and letting go.
You see, i've realised, my mum's mistakes are not mine. Yes it hurt me, but in the longer run, its hurting mum and him more, than it does for me, because i wont let them forget.

I've set myself free, of worrying about the past and the consquences. I've decided, not to care about what my friends decide what they're going to do. Because all it does to me is get me hurt.
I've also realised I'm actually alone, in my thoughts and feelings, and i like it that way. I wouldnt mind being alone-as in having only a FEW friends if that happens in the future (i mean 10-20 years down the track, when family becomes a priority). Thats a big difference to who i was 18 months ago-back then i had to have people around me, and i cared about what they thought about stuff. I wasnt being true to myself.

Maybe i've had too much time on my hands the last few days. But it was a luxury. Even though i'm dead broke, and everyone was/is in other states for football, birthdays etc. Caught up on watching dvd's.. Been a while since i've done that. If anyone hasnt seen the "Notebook" well, all i can say is its an awesome movie. I was crying hard enuff to make mum ask what was wrong. Its definitely on my "to buy" list :D

Lotsa love and sunshine!
Me xoxox

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

Um, for once am at a loss what to say. Usually i'm all over the place talking about everything. I've noticed i keep my thoughts to myself, and listen to everyone. People have asked me what i've been doing my usual reply is 'not much, just working, eating, sleeping and playing'

I've got a job, but its based on commission. I sell little Auslan (Australian Sign Language) booklets to businesses all over melbourne. The booklets' aim is to help the communication breakdown between the deaf and those who can hear. Its going great. I'm getting the exercise i need. More motivitated to get fit, and lose some weight.

I've also semi-quit smoking these days. I dont smoke during the week anymore, only on weekends-when there's a social thing going on. I'm happy about that, maybe i'll gradually cut down to NONE at all!

Been to parties, mostly 21st birthdays. There's heaps of them this year, including mine-i still havent organised anything and its 5 half months away AUUUGGHHH! Mum and i are looking at places to have it at (its definitely going to be local)..

I've noticed i'm starting to not like some of my friends, even though i love them and everything, i just really DISLIKE the attitudes they've got these days. Maybe they're saying the same about me, but its really pissing me off whenever i see them, and they're acting like that. Speaking of friends...

I told a guy, who i've liked for quite a while, that i liked him heaps a while back. He told me he wasnt interested, and wanted to be friends (my usual story!).. I didnt mind it at all, i was kinda expecting that to happen. I thought i was getting on with it, but over the weekend the green-eyed monster's been coming out full force, and i dont like it. What also makes it hard is, i see him regularly these days cuz of the social circle we're in, among other stuff. I'm not sure if i can hack that, i'm already avoiding talking to him, he usually has to talk to me first now. Whats worse, is he's starting to invade my dreams, its like i cant get away from him 24/7..

I think i better stop right there, before i say stuff i'm not ready to spill..

I'm back for now, will post probably once a week from now on...

Love and hugs!

(Edited a few hours)

Just got a email from a fellow tblogger this morning, being the bearer of bad news. Jenn-aka MidnightStar on tblogland, passed away on 18th May, after being sick for a long time. She had EB, and recently developed kidney failure.
She was a beautiful girl, always full of life, she tried not to let her health let her down. I'm gonna miss her bubbly conversations, always about boys, shopping, etc etc.
There's still a tab to her blog in my links, go in and check out her website-still a work in progress. She was so proud of it, and there's also a website on EB-a terrible skin disorder that has controlled her for most of her life.

RIP Babygirl, am gonna miss you heaps!

Am still alive :D

Have been busy, actually to be honest, i dont know if i want to keep this blog...

Maybe will post once in a while, i'm still reading all of ur blogs when i have time :D so dont be surprised if i make a comment here and there.

You know how to contact me- if u dont have my details, look on the sidebar...

Lotsa hugs and love...

Keep having nightmares..
At a stage i woke up screaming, thinking there was blood all over my hands. All related to the car accident of course. Must have affected me more than i thought. The doc tells me to keep talking about it, and to get behind the wheel as soon as i can, otherwise i could develop a phobia.

I mean, i'm ok about it happening, i reckon everything happens for a reason these days (i think i've been around Jen too much lol). It just sucks that everything has consequences. With me, i got fined, and i had other bills to pay. Its all paid off, then i find out i have to pay $850 in excess in insurance.. I've got $350, i have to find the other $500 soon.. As well as paying back my stepdad $850 i owe him, before i can think of fixing my car.

The good things that could come out of this: i'll be more motivitated to lose weight than ever, (not that i think i'm fat, i just wanna get more fit) and maybe luck will rain on me, i'll get a job!

It amazes me how positive i am about the whole thing, i mean the "me" this time last year would have broke down and cried, even get all depressed etc.. Maybe i'm finally growing up, not that i wasnt grown up before lol. Just more accepting of responsibilities being laid upon me.

Twas a good weekend. Am sad to see Mark off back to New Zealand, had heaps of laughs and etc at Xchange nightclub on Fri night. Sooo many beautiful men, shame they all were gay :D Mark was laughing at me cuz when we went on the dance floor, i think my jaw was open when i was tugging on Dave's arm, and saying "fuck those guys are HOT!" Mark said 'Back home, the girls say the same thing, and its usually followed by "Damn, what a waste"' :D

The Red Aries party was also good, i got drunk, and mingled, talking to people i havent seen in a while, and dont socialise with. Got asked about my Alopecia so many times, didnt bother me for once. Afterwards, went to this club in Hawthorn called "The Room" fuck, it promotes drugs, i mean in the toilet cubicles, they have this mirrored walls, and mirrored little platforms where white powder was all over. The place gave me this vibe i didnt like. I passed out in the car, waitin for Dale and the others to come out. I was very very DRUNK by that stage.

Rest of the weekend passed uneventful-didnt go to football training, hungover lol.

Got in a car accident today, i'm alright-just shaken up, but my car isnt obviously. It was my fault dammit! Was turning right, coming out from a carpark, into a busy road, where a car rammed in my side. I got fined cuz i didnt give way as the law says. Luckily i'm insured, so the other car's gonna get fixed, but not mine. Its gonna cost me about 1000 bucks... Just great-on top of the 1000 bucks i owe my stepdad GRR!

I think i take friendships for granted sometimes-i dunno if thats the right word. I mean i trust so few ppl these days, and think so few ppl care. Today surprised me... When the accident happened, i rang Lisa, she came straight over driving Steve's car-she doesnt have a licence-lost a few months back for drinking and driving. She stayed around giving me hugs, advice, etc till cops left and everything was settled. And i asked JT to come around to check my car cuz i wanted an estimate for repairs, he turned up with Bacel and Steven and was all "U ok? Sure? Where's the car?!" When they saw the damage "Thats all? Jeez u scared me, i thought it was worse than that!" I mean it does look minor but the inside of the hood-bit of a mess.
Maybe i've been a selfish person, maybe i havent had my eyes wide open. I feel like i've been through a life-saving operation, where i've woken up to the world in different eyes, does anyone getcha?

Sorry havent been updating as regular as i should.

Last weekend was good, Ended up not driving all weekend, which was good. Lisa and i drank together. She's an awesome chick!

Went to Kylie's 18th, which was quiet, but good. Tamas' 21st was good as well, me and the other girls got so drunk-that chatreuse shot we had didnt help! Lol! We were supposed to go to Anton's 20th but he ended up coming to Tamas'.. I remember tellin him his own party must have been boring if he left it!

Woke up on Sunday with hangover, and a bizarre vivid dream still in mind. Didnt go to the football training. Gave myself a worse headache by cleaning the bathroom and the bleach smell overpowering me i practically ran out of the house gasping for breath, went over to see Steve and Lisa when i "aired" the bathroom. They looked worse than i did..

Parents have come home.. The house's clean, but they're still lookin for faults, so they wouldnt let me and Dale housesit again *rolls eyes* PARENTS!!!! But have to say its nice not to do everything anymore, although i do help out occassionally! :D

This weekend's gonna be a busy one AGAIN! A farewell, a birthday party (for 5 people), this meeting i'm not sure if i should go to, and football training (have to find out if the cheerleading squad is still going to perform).

Love you all!

Havent been doin much these days. Still Jobhunting etc. It sucks. But i'm still surviving.

Jen came around last night. We had our usual conversations that lasted till about 4.30am! Things feel like the old days, the tension seems to have seeped out of the friendship, although it feels liek we're still tiptoeing around each other about some subjects.

OMG, i was SO SO SO embarrassed today! My stepmum did a beautiful thing, she knew me and Dale were having financial problems and it doesnt help that Mum and Stepdad are still on holidays. We're struggling to buy food here and there as it is. She express posted 140 bucks worth of vouchers. Dale and i went "crazy" buying stuff we thought we needed. Upon approaching the checkout, it totalled up to 180 bucks, 40 bucks more than the vouchers, and 40 bucks we didnt have... The checkout chick was really nice about it, but it was still embarrassing, hunting though the groceries to chuck out stuff. It came down to 120 bucks, we paid and got out there, only to go back in cuz Dale needed deoderant, and i needed some fags, we paid for it using the last $20 voucher..
I dont think i'll ever forget how embarrassing it was!

Gotta prepare for the weekend. Its gonna be a busy one. 3 birthday parties, football/cheerleading training, as well as cleaning the house from ceiling to floor before the parental units come home!

Toodles, have a good one!

Got this on an email recently, thought it was too funny to pass up:

EVER WONDER where we are headed...


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara  with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline:  "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start"  to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?

Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a  "new & improved" flavor?

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro,  is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal"  if flying is so safe?

AND...  In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer:  "Do not use while sleeping". (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips:  You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.  (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:  "Directions: Use like regular soap".  (And that would be how???)

On some frozen dinners:  "Serving suggestion: Defrost".  (But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert  (printed on bottom):  "Do not turn upside down".  (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:  "Product will be hot after heating".  (And you thought????...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:  "Do not iron clothes on body".  (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:  "Warning: May cause drowsiness".  (And...I'm taking this because???)

On most brands of Christmas lights:  "For indoor or outdoor use only".  (As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:  "Not to be used for the other use".  (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts:  "Warning: contains nuts". (Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:  "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".  (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:  On a child's superman costume:  "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

On a Swedish chainsaw:  "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone.

We all need to smile every once in a while.

Very very very fucked right now....

Got drunk on Fri night at T bar, ddint really have a hangover, just a bit blleeehhh on the tummy, and a headache. Thought the hair of a dog would help. It did! :D Had a couple drinks, uncle fixed my car. Jen came around with beer, had chats outside with cigarettes and drinks till 5am or thereabouts. After only about 9 hours sleep in the last 2 nights, lots of alcohol and cigarettes-its no wonder i feel like shit!

The last week has been pretty good. Went to Uni to officially withdraw, and found out i probably will get money back which is good-can pay off my car registration and start paying stepdad back. Seen a few people here and there. No one special (anymore that is)...

I know people have been dying to know who's the guy i liked (note the 'liked').. All i can say is, he's an ass. Thank god i havent talked to him yet. Cant be bothered to get into it right now, but I can say this: I've got my eye on someone else, i've told him while drunk on Fri night. He was as drunk as i was. We agreed to talk about it later on. So who knows.
I feel pretty fickle, cuz i'm likin someone else. I mean i thought i was serious about the first guy..

Loving the freedom i've got. A couple people have really been sweet, giving me contact numbers, hopin it'll help me gain a job. Love them for doing that.

I think i'm gonna go and have a nap. Feeling like shit haha...

Love you all!

P.S Is this true? The Pope has died?

Hmm, nothing much's happenin on over here...

Had a big wkend, enjoyed myself heaps. Steve's place for chats and drinks, Melas BBQ, Claz's plc for Easter dinner and relaxing in the spa.

Gotta say, i'm exhausted, and i've had revelations about people i thought i knew very well. It would seem i was wrong...
Its a bit hard to take in...
I had a couple friends tell me they consider me as a close friend. They're such sweethearts!

I seem to have a crush on a friend i've known for ages AND he's single! I dont know what to do about it. I find myself thinking about him all the time. He's not that good looking, but has a great sense of humour, he can have me laughing just like that. 1 of the attributes i look for in a guy..
I find myself having those dreams where we end up together, but i want it to be a secret, cuz i'm scared about what people will think. But in the end they do find out, and most of them look at me in shock and say stuff like "WHY are you with HIM?!" and i end up dumpin him and really hurting ourselves..
I dont know, maybe i should take a risk, and see where it goes, cuz what do i have to lose?
I think Claz suspects, cuz she brought up his name a couple times, but then again i was kinda talking about him rather alot.

Umm, i'm gonna continue jobhunting :)
Leave me some love!

Thought i'd explain, when i can be bothered to...

Basically what happened was: My stepdad received his creditcard statement, and was going to ask me when was i going to start repaying him (the loan i accepted from him to fix my car) at the same time i was asking him if i could borrow extra money since i needed to buy the books for my classes and assignments (i've been putting it off for weeks).. We ended up fighting, since the money from centrelink hasnt come through (Education money), and i didnt have the money to buy the books let alone start paying back the creditcard loan. SInce i'm living on 275 bucks a fortnight, and not paying board. Long story short, Mum and I ended up crying most of the night..

The day after that, i called centrelink only to find out theres a backlog in their system, wouldnt find out if i was approved for the payment for another month or so. I needed the money weeks ago, things are getting desperate at this point. At the same time i was trying to be honest with myself whether i wanted to stay at Uni... After all the interpreting situation was improving, but i still was dissatisfied.. And the matter of keeping putting off buying the uni books was significant to me... When i decided i was going to pull out, i felt majorly relieved, didnt have the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore...
I do know i want to be a Social Worker one of those days, just not now, and maybe not even at Uni, there's alternatives to getting that degree i.e TAFE...

Thank god I made that decision, since i received my car registration today, its gonna cost me nearly 270 bucks, compared to the measly 175 bucks i paid last year (I know i shoudnt complain, since normally it'd cost 400-500 bucks). Gotta find a way of coming up with that amount before May, and come up with 50 bucks (Dale and i are going halfsies on the parking fine we got a couple weeks ago-the fine's for 102 bucks) before next week, pay my phone bill, pay for food for the next 3 weeks since Mum, Robbie and stepdad are going away. AUGH! Fun!

Been busy jobhunting these days. I applied to at least 20 jobs today! I'm enjoying the freedom i've got, but i know i'll get sick of it, sooner or later! What with lack of money!

Hope this clears any questions anyone has...

Um, just quickly updating...

Alot has been happening in the last week or so since i last blogged.

After alot of soul searching, and talking to parents,  i've decided to withdraw fro m Uni... Its not the right timing, and financially its killing me. Maybe next year, who knows...

Explain everything in next blog, dont know when it'll be-havent felt like blogging these days.

Weekend was good, catching up with friends, and making new ones...
I like my life as it is right now, a friend's mum have mentioned that we look more happier these days. I feel happier too...

Hope all is good in everyone's lands...

Well, been a busy few days since i last blogged...

Nana J's 80th went really good, didnt drink-since i was going out later that night. Heaps laughs, caught up with my cousin Chloe who's nearly 14-who's livin down here for good this time around (apparently!), and putting up with her complaining about Nana L-who she's living with at the moment. She as asking me heaps questions about me and my livin situation, uni schedule etc etc. Didnt think of it at the time, but later on discovered tat Chlo has to live with Nana L until my aunt comes down here in August, then they'll move back in their house in Essendon. We reckon that Chloe's gonna ask her mum if she can move in the house sooner, with me looking after her. If that happens, i dont know if i'd be willing to do that. Its hard enuff looking after myself let alone a teenager who's discovering things. I've always been her "cool" older cousin. I dont want to do anything to destroy that.

Anyways, The rest of the weekend passed by in a blur, but not without heaps laughing, kiddin around and more walks down the memory lane.

Went down to Williamstown on Monday, for my aunt's 60th birthday party. Was good catching up with Dad's side of the family. Especially Luke-my 2nd oldest cousin (there's 26 of us, and i'm number 13), who's only back in Australia for 2 weeks, and then he's gonna be heading to South America for 2 years. He was previously in UK/Europe. I didnt realise he was only down here for 2 weeks, no wonder everyone made a big deal about me seeing him in the city last week. Seemed he didnt want to make a big thing out of being in town only for a couple weeks. I get the feeling he's only heading to South America, cuz his girlfriend lives there, and from what he's said, its pretty serious between them.

Uni's going alright these days, all classes has notetakers covered, as for interpreters *rolls eyes* only 3 classes dont have them. 2 of them are tutes, how the hell am i supposed to participate in them when i wont be able to understand anything. Thats 1 of the things DLU and i are negotiating about at the moment. Thank god for Andrew (my notetaker) who's doin the 2 tutes without the interpreters, he's been a big help, telling me whats going on when its not part of his job. Writing down EVERYTHING, not just the important parts.
Have got like 3 assignments due back the first week of April, it looks like i'll be spending my Easter break doing them. Ugh!
As well as cleaning up after Dale, since parental units are going away for 3 weeks from next week. Not looking forward to that lol.

Before anyone askes-NO! I'm not having parties! :D I respect my folks too much, and i dont wanna be kicked out! :P Before you say "Aw, come on they dont have to know" Yes they will know, especially when Nana J lives around the corner! :D

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY for tomorrow! I'm gonna go to an Irish pub with a few others, and party!
AAAAHHHH Mela's gonna be home from Bali tomorrow, cant wait to see her. Missed her heaps! Hope she's coming tomorrow night!

I think thats all for now, till next time huns! Be good :D

Went out last with with Dale. Went over to see a couple of childhood friends. Its been ages since it was just the 4 of us.

Had heaps of laughs, took walks down the memory lane. Teased each other. Heaps laughs again. Had too much junk food, drank too much pop. Just like the old days, only difference this time around-we smoked cigarettes as well.

We all agreed that we missed the carefree days, when we were younger, where the only problems we had was who's go was it. Who was gonna play with who.

Being older sucks. Having to deal with heartbreak, worry, and the other stuff that comes with being adults.

I'm making a promise to myself, this weekend i'm gonna act like a kid, doing stupid things. The only difference is i'll be driving, and smoking! :D
I think i deserve that, what with the world givin me headaches recently.

Hugs and wet 'kidlike' kisses....

A tear spills over from each eye,
sliding down each reddened cheek.

An ache tightens the chest,
making it difficult to swallow.

I want to let it all out,
at the same time I dont.

A shaky hand wipes away the tears,
The other on my heart.

I dont say anything,
either do i see.

Why does this hurt so much?

-Work in progress I guess, it sounds unfinished. Will finish later if I can-
Comments welcome.

That was a great weekend i just had! The good took over the bad-which was unusual lol...

Drove down to the city on fri night, to meet Bec, and the T bar. Was a victim of road rage. That was scary. I was on the freeway, doing 110k's on the far right lane (which is the fast lane). This car behind me started flashing their headlights, i ignored it (big mistake!) then the car pulled alongside me, the girl started screaming at me through the window. I gestured that i was deaf, she then got in the lane in front of me, and stopped her car suddenly, i had to stop too, then she took off, leaving me going 'what the fuck?!' i got going too,  then the girl stopped her car, and reversed into me, i stopped the car. I was about to get out of the car, when she sped off. I was left shaking, and in the fast lane.. I just drove on again, telling myself to calm down, and that i was stopping soon anyway. When i got into the city, i found a spot to park (which was no standing) while messaging Dale to meet me, cuz i couldnt drive any further. Messaged Bec and told her to meet me there as well, cuz couldnt pick her up from the station, when still shaking. Bec turned up, then Dale turned up. He looked for a parking spot but couldnt find one, so he parked the car where i first parked it, and said it should be fine there since he has parked there in the past. I was doubtful, wanted him to move the car, he couldnt be bothered, and reassured me it'd be fine. We went to the T bar. I soon forgot the episode, started chatting to everyone. It was a good turnout, about 150 deaf ppl turned up. Abut a few hours later, a couple friends arrived and said 'Is ur car parked down the street? U got a parking fine!' I was shitting myself, checked the car, they were right. Gotta pay 102 bucks within 28 days. Told Dale we were gonna talk about it when other ppl werent around. Tried to forget about it, one thing about being sober, you find drunk people funny. I was in stitches for the rest of the night. When leaving the pub, i was still laughing, and even driving home, i wasnt too bothered about the parking fine, and i had a full car. Was entertained for the whole trip home, while watching out for any other potential deranged drivers. Had a good nights sleep, that was after settling Bec in.

Got up at lunchtime, chilled out all afternoon with Bec before heading out to pick up Steve and Lisa, then we went over to Dave, Channy and Carolyn's housewarming party. I was in stitches all night again. Nearly wet myself-that was how hard i was laughing. It ended up being a late night again. The highlight was seeing Scott being tortured endlessly by Lisa and Kez. He had his boxers torn right apart, while still wearing it and his jeans' buckle and zipper broken, his pubes being pulled out while screaming-too funny. May sound cruel, but it wasnt done in that way. The girls did it on behalf of us girls who copped so much shit from him in the past. I think he knew it too, cuz he didnt get all annoyed or angry, but i know he was hurting-from getting his pubes pulled out :)

Got up today, had something to eat, before dropping Bec off at the airport, drove to see a family friend i havent seen since the deaflympics. Some of my family was over, caught up with them before they left, then just sat, smoked and chatted with the friend for another hour before leaving to go over to Dad's for dinner. No dramas happened there for once! It was nice catching up, and seeing my younger siblings-they've grown up so much since 6 weeks ago. Dad had me laughing when telling me about Kane's antics. He's 1 mischievous little devil. Must have gotten it from me and Dale :)
That was my weekend. So exhausted! LOL...

Have been talking to a friend who's completing her last Semester at the Uni i'm at. Very pissed off with DLU (Disability Liasion Unit- the people who organises/employs my interpreters and notetakers) atm, got an email from them earlier today, telling me i dont have any interpreters or notetakers available for tomorrow, and that i have to go to Wednesdays' lecture instead of tomorrow. The friend was sympathetic, and said she went though the same during her first year,  and apparently it probably will get worse. I asked her how did she cope? She said she didnt, she failed her first year. I had to wonder 'what hope do i have of passing this year?!' cuz she's the brainy type, always concentrating on her studies, never socialising on weekends. If she failed, where does that leave me? Am trying not to let it bring me down right now. Especially when i've got the progress meeting with DLU on Thursday, So, i'll probably lay it all bare, and get angry (rightfully so, especially if my classes aint gonna get covered on Tuesday)!

I had a dream last night, about Mela and her aunt (who's dying from cancer). Mela was at the housewarming party, and i was telling her what was she doing there, she was supposed to be on a plane to Bali. She got all upset and said 'Aunty Margaret died, thats why i couldnt go' the dream went on for a while after that, but i woke up and the first thing that came into my mind was 'fuck, she's gone and died.' Then saw Mela online earlier, but connection was bad-she's in Bali at the moment, and her nickname said it all-her aunty has died. Its kinda freaking me out, at the same time i'm amazed. Mela and i have gotten heaps closer again recently.

Me and a few others were talking about people changing at the pub on fri night. Since everyone has since the deaflympics. Thats how much it affected us. And whether it was for the good and the bad. I told them that I reckoned for me it was for the bad, cuz it seems i've lost a couple of good friends in the process. They said that whoever they were, they werent worth it if they werent more accepting of the changes, cuz they think i've changed for the better. I'm more stronger, i'm more confident, and i'm more blunt-to a point where it can hurt. And i'm more fun to be around. When upon hearing that the friends i maybe have lost, werent worthwhile having, i got all upset, cuz i love them to death, even if i didnt show it recently. I really want to work at keeping the friendships, but i'm not sure how to do it, when i'm getting the feeling that they dont give a shit anymore, that or getting past the awkward/stilted conversations.

Sorry this turned out to be a longer post than i thought, i guess i've got lots to say tonight.

Hope everyone's weekend was as good as mine, even though there was some bad parts, and some revelations.

Timetables all confirmed.. Changed subjects and all. Looks like its gonna be a good semester so far!

I'm doing these subjects-

Philosophy:
'Reason, Religion & Responsibility'

Sociology:
'Media, Politics and Society'

Anthropology:
'Varieties of Human Experiences'

International Studies:
'Modern, Politicial Ideologies & Movements'

I arranged my timetable so i only have to attend Uni 3 days a week- Mon, Tues and Thurs-how good is that?! :D

Although I'm using Wed as my personal study day, so that leaves from Thursday night to Sunday afternoon for me to look for a part time job. I so NEED one asap!

Bec's coming down from Syd this weekend, its gonna be a good one-we're gonna catch up with everyone at the T bar on Fri night, and at Dave, Carolyn & Channy's housewarming party this sat night. I'm gonna be the designated driver all weekend, for once! Well, i cant even drink-since i aint 100% well, and i'm too broke, only can afford a pack of fags, petrol and weekend e-tag pass and a couple days of train tickets till i get paid again next Wed. Had to pay my monthly car insurance, and phone bill a few days ago. Having to live on Centrelink (government) payment s SUCKS big time...

Anyhow have a good one guys, if i dont talk to you before then.

Again, be good! :D

Going so good so far..

Just a quick update since i cant even stand to be in front of a computer let alone a tv. The lights from both is really hurting my eyes. Had 1 of my migraine attacks. Usually happen when i've been soo stressed, then i just.. let go. Next thing i know, wham! Head aches, tongue feels all fuzzy and cottony, throwing up, eyes cant stand lighting of any kind!

Anyways, Uni went well, organised my timetable without a problem, but i ddint like one of my subjects, was supposed to fix that up today, but i couldnt even get out of bed this morning. Fixing that up in the morning. So yeah, all good.. Actually am excited about it, was dreading all the assessments thats due in like 4 weeks, but for some reason i'm feeling alright. Probably all the panadeine forte i took, its makin me feel alright, and relaxed lol...

Later everyone, be good.